Smile

I walked home today. Just like any other day. But tonight I walked home with no weight on my shoulders. Literally and figuratively. My laptop bag was stolen earlier this afternoon. Along with my backup harddrive containing my research paper, portfolio, lectures, presentations, photos and ebooks I have collected for the past half decade and yeah my laptop was in there too. The laptop was a prehistoric thing I was keeping like an antique vintage car with no airconditioning. Panic struck me as I try to imagine all the work I had in there. All the photographs. All the memories. All the things I had to redo. A video project with its deadline on Wednesday. Then the ward called me. A patient in the ward has consented for another biopsy. He smiles. We know he has cancer. HE knows he has cancer. We just don’t know what kind. We have things to be worried about. To be REALLY worried about. He smiles. I nearly cried. I can rewrite everything. I can download all those journals again. I can find those books again. It would be a long and agonizing journey but I’ll get there. I smiled back at him. I owe him that much.

The photos I had was irreplaceable but those that mattered are tattooed in my memory (and was already in facebook and flickr). I had atleast 50gb of photos since I had my digital camera. Sadness. For a moment I felt empty. It took me a year’s worth of sleepless nights to be able to buy that laptop. I had earned more than twice the worth of that laptop from THAT laptop. But it has seen better days and better speeds. Yesterday took atleast half an hour to boot up. My co-residents know of the advanced directive I had on my laptop-Do not rescusitate. Laptops come and go but mine was still alive after 4 years. 4 years. Then it struck me. My recently concluded relationship was 4 years long before we fell out. (Ok its more like the rug was pulled out from under me). It was a nice run but it was bound to end. The goodbye was long overdue. I had to move on. I’ll find a way to have a new laptop. I’ll be able to rewrite my paper. I’ll take more photographs (once I find a new charger to replace the one in my bag). I’ll be able to make new videos. I just have to move on. But tonight I will sleep for tomorrow is a new day.

Things I learned today:

1. Never leave your laptop bag no matter how dilapidated it looks. Somebody might mistake it for a useable laptop and take all your files with it.
2. Never leave your backup drive with your laptop in your laptop bag even if it is chained to a chair inside the ICU.
3. When you hit rock bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up.
4. Excess baggage holds you down. Learn to let go.
5. We worry about a lot of things. We have worse things to worry about.
6. I managed to hold on 250gb of data. More than half of which I had no intention of using again but kept it for no reason. Again. Learn to let go.
7. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, in this case don’t put all your stuff in one laptop bag. Thankfully I had my itouch and camera in my pocket. Unfortunately, all my cables and chargers are in bag.
8. Smile. You still have a lot to be thankful for no matter what.
9. Walking home with just my coat and stethoscope has never felt more safer.
10. Stop wasting time. 4 years is a long time. Nakakapanghinayang. . But you have to move on.


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